Today is January 1, 2012. The first day of the new year. 2011 saw some real changes in my life, some of which I am sure were for the better even if there are times I don’t feel that way.
2011 saw the beginning of a long friendship with my old friend Mandy. We decided that we were going to give our friendship another go. And we did and we are great friends now, the key, total honesty no matter how much it hurts.
I have been able to also build a strong relationship with my best friend Athena, She has really showed me that no matter what she is going to always be there for me, and I love her for that. I just die if I did not have her in my life, and it took some time to realize that without her in my life it would suck. She is my Children’s Auntie and always will be. You don’t need blood to be an Auntie you just need time love and patients. I know that when she has children of her own I will be there Auntie and I can’t wait.
2011 also saw the end of my relationship with my sister and her children. This was a hard thing for me, I love my nieces and nephews and they had nothing to do with what happened between their mother and I but in the end I can’t have a relationship with them without her being a part of it so I had to cut ties. This would have to be one of the hardest parts for me, knowing that I am never to going to see them grow up. On this same topic my niece Mackenzie was born, I got to hold her when she was hours old and again when she was only a few weeks old. If I had known then it was would be the last time I would ever get to hold her, I probably would have told her I loved her and would always be there for her. I did not know then that the hate my sister had for me would speared to her oldest daughter that I was trying to rebuild a relationship with, It did and now I don’t even have her or her children. I tend to forget that with me losing that part of my life, Oliver lost his Aunt and cousins too. And this new baby that is due in just weeks will never get to know that part of my family. I know it is for a good reason, someone that can spread such hate should not be part of anyone’s life. For me it was something I grew up with and did not know there was anything different out there until I met Alan. He told me that I deserve to be happy and I deserve to smile every day, and he is right.
In 2011 I saw my mom’s mind slip away from her, and I am still seeing that. Not many people know what I am going through with my mom and I don’t like to talk about it because it is one of those things that I never thought would happen to my mom. She was always the one I could call and tell anything to, now I call her and I can tell her the same thing five times and she still acts like it is the first time she is hearing it. It is not always like this but it is for the most part. The worst part is she does not think that there is anything wrong and that it is me. I cry thinking how I wish I still had my mom to talk to and it makes me sick to think that those who do have a mother to talk to and they treat them like crap.
I do everything for my mom, I take her shopping, I pay her bills and I also make sure she is not leaving beyond her means. My mom does not get it when I say there is no money even if there is because she is use to my sister taking her card and just doing everything and leaving her with nothing. I have made it so my mom has not had to be in the red at all. It is hard because if it was up to my mom she would spend all her money at once and would not get that it is gone. I am hoping that this year my mom will seek the help she needs and we can get her back on track, because if not I am not sure how much more I can handle.
Not all was bad in 2011, I had some good moments. Mandy got married in June to the man of her dreams. When you think fairy tale you thing knight in shining armor, you see a princess. And that is just what she is. She had her fairy tale ending. She met her soul mate, and man that vowed to never get married again, someone who had been hurt so badly before that he never wanted to go through that kind of pain again. I don’t blame him, but with much love, understanding and hard work he realized that he was wrong and he had found that one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with in Mandy. He popped the question to her on Christmas Eve (3 Years ago?) She of course said yes, she was in love. Fast forward 3 years and a whole lot of stuff later, they got married June 2011. That day I learned something about Mandy’s husband. He loves her 100% with his whole heart; the way he looks at her could melt anyone’s heart. There is a true connection there, this is true love. Mandy and I always joke that she broke him, that she married the man that would not commit, but real I think he was committed all along he just wanted to make her sweat. I see how happy he makes her and how happy she makes him. I thank god that I am a part of their lives again and that I will always be a part of their lives.
In 2011 I found out I was expecting again, I found out on May 22, 2011 I was pregnant. I took a test because of some dreams both my mother in-law and I had. Those dreams were right. I was so scared for the first 4 months, I had the same fears that every woman has, but mine were so deep because months before I had miscarried at 10 weeks gestation, after being told the baby was healthy. Needless to say with this one at my 11 week ultrasound I was a little freaked out. The tech re-assured me that the baby was fine and had a heart beat. Oh boy does it ever! I am now only 4 weeks away from the due date of this little one and I can’t wait. I keep thinking that the baby is going to come soon. I feel very blessed to be expecting again and at the same time glad that this is going to be the last time I am pregnant, Alan and I decide that two is enough for us, yes even if it is another boy. The last few months have been hard on me and because of how many miscarriages I have had it is better I stop while I am head. I have my wonderful son Oliver who is learning new things every day and amazes me every day with how much he knows he is a geniuses, I don’t know how but he is.
2011 also brought my Uncle David to me, I met him when I was a baby, and I am 30 now. So you could say it has been about 27 years since I saw my Uncle David. Uncle David is my Dad’s brother, His 100% full blood brother. That also makes him and my cousins my 100% full blood relatives. I don’t have a lot of 100% full anything. I have a very blended family, but for some reason I have always felt close to the Abercrombie’s. We don’t have the same last time but that is because of things that happened when my dad was growing up. But we are Abercrombie’s and I have always felt welcomed with open arms by each and every one of them. Seeing Uncle David again was so unreal, I only had a few hours with him but it was enough for me to study his face, hands, and his mannerisms. He is much like my dad and that made me feel good. I was so glad that Oliver got to meet his great Uncle David as well, but I am disappointed that Alan had to work. I want to plan a trip to see everyone this year (2012) I hope it happens. I don’t want to forget that I also got to see my Auntie Darleen, David’s wife.
No matter what happened in 2011 is nothing in comparison to what is going to happen in 2012.
I am going to be a better person, a better wife, a better Mother and Friend. I am going to listen to Alan and be happy because I have the perfect life with him. He is my knight in shining armor and he came in and swooped me off my feet and we road off into the sunset to our castle. 2012 is going to bring the birth of our new Son or Daughter. It is also going to bring a full year off with my family. I am going to live everyday this year like it is my last; I am going to do my best to be that person Alan knows I am.
I am going to love everyone and show those who can’t love how to love. I am going to make that break though with personal relationships and personal goals. I am not going to say I can’t I am going to say I can!
Good bye 2011, Hell0 2012.
-Bex
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