Oh yes I am Done!

Hello All,

It has been a while, almost a moth. I wanted to announce that on January 31, 2012 at 7:57PM my beautiful daughter Charlie Dawn was born. She weighed 7 Pounds and 14 Ounces and was 21 inches long. Now she is 9 Pounds 3.5 Ounces. She is getting so big.

When I wrote my last post on the 30th I thought I was going to be pregnant for at least another week. I had no clue what the doctor had in store for me.

My sister came out from Kelowna on the 30th and we decided that we were going to have some Raspberry tea. I head this will induce labor. After my cup of tea I started to have contraction every 5 to 15 min apart, I thought again like very other time that when I went to bed they would just stop. This time they didn’t, I woke up in the morning and I still had them. They were coming more regular and getting stronger. I though wow maybe I might have this baby in a few days. At this point it was 8:30 in the morning and the phone rang, I thought it was Alan making his morning call to see how things were going. Nope it was the doctors; they had changed my appointment from Friday to that morning at 1050. I then had to get my poor sister up who was so tired from staying up late with me and not to mention the horrible bus ride the night before. I told her the doctor wanted to see today rather then Friday. Like any great big sister she got up right away.

We headed to the doctors office and I went in she checked the heart beat, measured my belly and told me the baby has not grown too much more since my last appointment 6 days before. She then checked me to see if I had dilated any more or not. She was very happy because I had dilated and she said the head was down. She told me to go to the hospital for 3 and she would look at breaking my water or doing something to get my labor more regular. She also told me to call Alan and tell him to be home for 3.

I finished in the doctors and called Alan, I told him he had to be home for 3 and that it was looking more like we were going to have our baby that night. I began to cry right there in super store (doctors office is located in super store) it was becoming real. I was really going to finally meet this little baby that has been kicking the crap out of me for months.

We went home and the contractions starting coming on stronger. I drank some more tea because the doctor said that there is a good chance it did in fact induce my labor and she told me to go drink more, she said if I could go to the hospital on my own with out her having to break my water that would be better.

3 o’clock rolled around and Alan was home. My sister said she would watch Oliver for us and we headed off to the hospital. All the time we are thinking they are going to break my water and send me home, or give me something to speed labor along and then send me home. We checked in and the nurses had no clue that Doctor Madill had ask me to come in for 3. They got me set up in a delivery room and called her. Finally after many more contraction and nurses asking every question they could the resident doctor that works with Doctor Madill came in to check me first, She said I had not progressed at all and that she would leave it up to Dr. Madill. At 5PM Doc Madill came in and checked me. She said I had progressed and I was almost 6 centimeters. She had the other doctor check me again. Funny thing was I had progressed from 4 to 6 centimeters in a matter of 5 minutes.

Dr.Madill broke my water and unleashed the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I was worth it because I have Charlie.

With in just under 3 hours I was holding my little baby girl in my arms, Alan asked me if I wanted to do it again, and I NO!!!

I am done.

All the pain I went through the last month of my pregnancy and for the deliver was all worth it because I have my little baby girl, But Oh yes I am done!!!

~Bex

Ok...The time has come for you to get out!

Hello all,

It is January 30, 2012. I am two days over my due date and I have been in labor since Friday January 20th. Needless to say this baby does not want to come out any time soon. I went to the hospital because I thought something was happening just to find out nothing was happening. They ended up keeping me over night because the baby decided to relax a little more then the Doctors would have liked. One IV, a sleepless night and one more ultrasound later and the baby is just fine.

I went home and back to more contractions and more pain. This time I waited 24 hours. Went back to the hospital, this time...Hooray something was happening. They gave me a shot for the pain and sent me home and said see you in a few hours. YEAH RIGHT!!

I went home all doped up and went to sleep to to wake up with the same irregular contractions as before.

Went to the doctors at the end of the week and she said I am in labor and I am progressing just not that fast.

I love be pregnant and I cannot wait to meet this little bundle but I have come to the realization that this will defiantly be my last pregnancy. It was a good pregnancy all around but this last month has been really hard on my body, and I am not young any more.

I cannot do things for my self anymore and my poor husband is stuck making dinner almost all the time because it is so hard for stand and cook. I feel like I can't do anything any more.

I have been having a lot of dreams about the baby, some good and some strange. All and all I would love god to decided when would be the best time for this baby to come and stop dicking my around :)



For anyone out there who has been pregnant they know how hard the last month is and all this complaining is perfectly normal. I would do it all over again if I had to.

I hope my next blog update will be the birth announcement of this child.

Here to hoping that is sooner then later ;)

-Bex

Good bye 2011, Hello 2012

Today is January 1, 2012. The first day of the new year. 2011 saw some real changes in my life, some of which I am sure were for the better even if there are times I don’t feel that way.

2011 saw the beginning of a long friendship with my old friend Mandy. We decided that we were going to give our friendship another go. And we did and we are great friends now, the key, total honesty no matter how much it hurts.

I have been able to also build a strong relationship with my best friend Athena, She has really showed me that no matter what she is going to always be there for me, and I love her for that. I just die if I did not have her in my life, and it took some time to realize that without her in my life it would suck. She is my Children’s Auntie and always will be. You don’t need blood to be an Auntie you just need time love and patients. I know that when she has children of her own I will be there Auntie and I can’t wait.

2011 also saw the end of my relationship with my sister and her children. This was a hard thing for me, I love my nieces and nephews and they had nothing to do with what happened between their mother and I but in the end I can’t have a relationship with them without her being a part of it so I had to cut ties. This would have to be one of the hardest parts for me, knowing that I am never to going to see them grow up. On this same topic my niece Mackenzie was born, I got to hold her when she was hours old and again when she was only a few weeks old. If I had known then it was would be the last time I would ever get to hold her, I probably would have told her I loved her and would always be there for her. I did not know then that the hate my sister had for me would speared to her oldest daughter that I was trying to rebuild a relationship with, It did and now I don’t even have her or her children. I tend to forget that with me losing that part of my life, Oliver lost his Aunt and cousins too. And this new baby that is due in just weeks will never get to know that part of my family. I know it is for a good reason, someone that can spread such hate should not be part of anyone’s life. For me it was something I grew up with and did not know there was anything different out there until I met Alan. He told me that I deserve to be happy and I deserve to smile every day, and he is right.

In 2011 I saw my mom’s mind slip away from her, and I am still seeing that. Not many people know what I am going through with my mom and I don’t like to talk about it because it is one of those things that I never thought would happen to my mom. She was always the one I could call and tell anything to, now I call her and I can tell her the same thing five times and she still acts like it is the first time she is hearing it. It is not always like this but it is for the most part. The worst part is she does not think that there is anything wrong and that it is me. I cry thinking how I wish I still had my mom to talk to and it makes me sick to think that those who do have a mother to talk to and they treat them like crap.
I do everything for my mom, I take her shopping, I pay her bills and I also make sure she is not leaving beyond her means. My mom does not get it when I say there is no money even if there is because she is use to my sister taking her card and just doing everything and leaving her with nothing. I have made it so my mom has not had to be in the red at all. It is hard because if it was up to my mom she would spend all her money at once and would not get that it is gone. I am hoping that this year my mom will seek the help she needs and we can get her back on track, because if not I am not sure how much more I can handle.

Not all was bad in 2011, I had some good moments. Mandy got married in June to the man of her dreams. When you think fairy tale you thing knight in shining armor, you see a princess. And that is just what she is. She had her fairy tale ending. She met her soul mate, and man that vowed to never get married again, someone who had been hurt so badly before that he never wanted to go through that kind of pain again. I don’t blame him, but with much love, understanding and hard work he realized that he was wrong and he had found that one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with in Mandy. He popped the question to her on Christmas Eve (3 Years ago?) She of course said yes, she was in love. Fast forward 3 years and a whole lot of stuff later, they got married June 2011. That day I learned something about Mandy’s husband. He loves her 100% with his whole heart; the way he looks at her could melt anyone’s heart. There is a true connection there, this is true love. Mandy and I always joke that she broke him, that she married the man that would not commit, but real I think he was committed all along he just wanted to make her sweat. I see how happy he makes her and how happy she makes him. I thank god that I am a part of their lives again and that I will always be a part of their lives.

In 2011 I found out I was expecting again, I found out on May 22, 2011 I was pregnant. I took a test because of some dreams both my mother in-law and I had. Those dreams were right. I was so scared for the first 4 months, I had the same fears that every woman has, but mine were so deep because months before I had miscarried at 10 weeks gestation, after being told the baby was healthy. Needless to say with this one at my 11 week ultrasound I was a little freaked out. The tech re-assured me that the baby was fine and had a heart beat. Oh boy does it ever! I am now only 4 weeks away from the due date of this little one and I can’t wait. I keep thinking that the baby is going to come soon. I feel very blessed to be expecting again and at the same time glad that this is going to be the last time I am pregnant, Alan and I decide that two is enough for us, yes even if it is another boy. The last few months have been hard on me and because of how many miscarriages I have had it is better I stop while I am head. I have my wonderful son Oliver who is learning new things every day and amazes me every day with how much he knows he is a geniuses, I don’t know how but he is.

2011 also brought my Uncle David to me, I met him when I was a baby, and I am 30 now. So you could say it has been about 27 years since I saw my Uncle David.  Uncle David is my Dad’s brother, His 100% full blood brother. That also makes him and my cousins my 100% full blood relatives. I don’t have a lot of 100% full anything. I have a very blended family, but for some reason I have always felt close to the Abercrombie’s. We don’t have the same last time but that is because of things that happened when my dad was growing up. But we are Abercrombie’s and I have always felt welcomed with open arms by each and every one of them. Seeing Uncle David again was so unreal, I only had a few hours with him but it was enough for me to study his face, hands, and his mannerisms. He is much like my dad and that made me feel good. I was so glad that Oliver got to meet his great Uncle David as well, but I am disappointed that Alan had to work. I want to plan a trip to see everyone this year (2012) I hope it happens. I don’t want to forget that I also got to see my Auntie Darleen, David’s wife.

No matter what happened in 2011 is nothing in comparison to what is going to happen in 2012.

I am going to be a better person, a better wife, a better Mother and Friend. I am going to listen to Alan and be happy because I have the perfect life with him. He is my knight in shining armor and he came in and swooped me off my feet and we road off into the sunset to our castle. 2012 is going to bring the birth of our new Son or Daughter. It is also going to bring a full year off with my family. I am going to live everyday this year like it is my last; I am going to do my best to be that person Alan knows I am.

I am going to love everyone and show those who can’t love how to love. I am going to make that break though with personal relationships and personal goals. I am not going to say I can’t I am going to say I can!

Good bye 2011, Hell0 2012.

-Bex

Don’t worry I got your back!

We all want someone like that, someone that no matter what has your back.  But really when it comes right down to it how many people out there would really have your back?

I was sitting thinking about this today.  I have my best friend and I think she would have my back when it got down to it, and I would have hers.   But when we are talking about friendships that don’t go as deep as a best friend relationship would that person really have your back?

I find it rather funny that when you are “friends” with someone and somebody is mean to you they are like “oh man that sucks if I heard that I would have totally stuck up for you”, but then you turn around and the person that was mean to you is trash talking you to your “friend” and are they sticking up for you, NO, they are agreeing and laughing like an idiot.  I don’t know if I am only one in this world that will stick up for the little guy or at least for someone I consider my friend, I sure hope not.   

I have had this happen to me a number of times in my life and I still have it happen to me.  Life is not fair I know that but it would be nice to have someone have your back and really mean it.  I mean I don’t what someone to stab anybody but it would be nice to at least think you would threaten to do it.

Don’t get me wrong, I have really good friends, The best and each one of them has been handpicked because I know they truly have my back, and they know I have there’s, I just don’t want people to pretend like they are my friend or at least if you are not pretending, don’t act like you care enough about me to stick up for me if you’re not going to do it.

Sorry about this blog guys, but this has been bugging me all day and I needed to get it out.  And that is why I created this blog to say what is on my mind rather than posting it all over Facebook for everyone to “Like” ;-)

-Bex

Giving Thanks!

It is Thanksgiving weekend.   A time to spend with your family and friends.  A time to give thanks for what you are truly thankful for.  

This time a year is extremely hard for me and my mom.  It was thanksgiving weekend 19 years ago that a drunk driver took my sister away from us.  When something as tragic is that happens it makes you take a look at things in a different light.  For my mom she had no reason to be thankful even though she has me and Alan and her grandson and another grandchild on the way, all my mom can see is the fact that Laura is not here.   

Last year my mom had a moment were she thought if Laura was here she would want me to do these things, she would want me to have thanksgiving dinner, but she only felt this way because my 4 year old nephew was staying with her and she did not want him to feel left out when he went back to school.  From Age 11 and on my mom did not do thanksgiving dinner and it was maybe once and awhile she would do a Christmas dinner  for me.  I understood why she did not do thanksgiving dinners but it would have been nice if she had thought about how important it would have been to me to keep doing it.  I would have to go to school each year and explain why I either went to my friend Wendy’s house or we just did not do anything. 

As I got older it got harder and harder for me to understand how she could just stop, stop caring about me and my other sister and her grandkids.  She cared but she did not care about keeping something like that alive. I think what hurt the most is that every year she would say the same thing, I have nothing to be thankful for, and at Christmas she would say she is only doing this for me and the kids. 

This year however she did not say to me she had nothing to be thankful for, and I think the reason for that is because of everything that has happened to us in the past year she knows she has a lot to be thankful for. 

I cook a turkey dinner for my family this year.  It was small, just Alan’s parents, siblings and Niece and his brother’s girlfriend, and my Mom and Dad.  It was a lot smaller than normal because Alan’s younger brothers and sister have all moved out but not only out of the house, out of town. 

It was nice having a small family dinner; the kids had fun playing with each other and with their Uncle Jabub who they don’t get to see all the time because he is a full time student.   My parents on the best of times don’t get along but they were able to be kind to one and other for me.   I was just so happy my mom came to a thanksgiving dinner; this is the first one she has attended since my sister passed away and I know it was really hard on her. 

I do give thanks for everything I have. I feel very lucky to have my health and to have my family and also after the past year to be looking forward to the birth of my second child.  However on Monday October 10, 2011 I will be remember the sister that was tragically taken away from me.  I will be remembering how much she means to me and how I am going to keep her live in my heart, my moms and also my children’s hearts.  I cannot wait unit Oliver is old enough for me to tell him about his auntie Laura.  I know she is in heaven and I know she is watching over me and my son.  I also know she is taking care of my babies for me and we will all be together again. 

I would like to end this blog by wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  Enjoy the time you have with your family because you just don’t know what is around the corner.

-Bex

“I have never been drunk in my life”

Wow, so ok I have decided that maybe it is time for some happy and or funny blogs.   There has been a lot going on in my life in the past months and it is time for my readers to read something happy.  I decided a few days ago that I was going to post a blog about one person a week that means something to me.  So do not worry if I have not blogged about you, be sure I will in some way ;)

My first victim, I mean person is my Best friend Athena.   Our friendship started just about 12 years ago, when Alan, who was my boyfriend at the time told me he wanted me to meet his best friends Mike and Athena, they had been dating for a few years and Alan though a lot of them and I think really wanted their approval of me :-)

We were more friends because Mike and Alan were best friends, we  hung out when the guys hung out we went camping together and did double dates, the usual stuff couples did together.   As the years went on our friendship started to grow into something more than just our boyfriends are best friends and we started to hang out, it was not until I gave birth to my son Oliver that our I realized that out of everyone she was the only one that stood by me and still wanted to be my friend.  She did not see me having a baby and a reason why I could not do things.  We hung out almost every day, and by Oliver’s first birthday I was calling her my best friend. 

We are truly best friends, we anger one and other, we cry with one and other, and we laugh...lots.  She is one person I know I can call and she will be there for me in a heartbeat.   If something is bugging me I know I just need to call her and she will say the right thing and all is well again. 

I do feel that sometimes she feels she cannot be as open with me as I am with her and I think that is because she still thinks that I am upset she is no longer with Mike.  I am not upset, yes it sucked when they broke up but life moves on and she has found happiness with another man, and Mike has moved on with someone too.  All I want for her is to be happy and if she is not then for her to know that I am there for her no matter what.  I am not here to judge anyone or anything.  I have my opinion but that will never change the fact that I love her and will be there for her no matter what she wants to do. Unless of course she wanted to murder someone…That I cannot be part of, I would never make it in prison.

Life is hard enough without having to worry if the one person you should trust the most is going to judge you.  I want her to believe me but I can only tell you how I feel and hope it gets through to her.

I remember so many fun times we have had, all the camping trips we went on.  All the times she has gotten drunk…She coined the expression “I have never been drunk in my life” Now it is kind of a running joke that everything we go out and she is going to drink we say as loud as we can “Athena has never been drunk in her life” so the reset of the people we are with can have a good laugh at her expense :-)

That is a true friendship, when you can make fun of that person or they can make fun of you and you laugh and not just one of those little haha yes ok let’s move on laughs, but those belly laughs that have you rolling around on the floor together (pervs not like that)

I have so many wonderful memories of my best friend and cannot wait to make more with her.  She is truly someone I could not see in my life.  No matter what life hands us she will always be part of it.   She told me that our lives are taking two different paths right now, and I told her that is what make the journey together great and it’s true. 

-Bex

PS. She has nice eyebrows too ;-)

The most beautiful person I know

Hey,

I have been thinking a lot of my sister lately, probably because of the baby and everything that is happening in my life.  She is one person I wish was here to share it with, I know she is with me wherever I may go and she is sharing this with me but to me it is not the same.  I miss my sister, the older I get the harder it is for me.  As time goes on it is so pose to get easier not harder.  I have gotten closer on what has happened and I understand it was her time.  As senseless and as tragic as her death was I know that there was a reason for it, I know that God needed her for a greater plan.  I also know that everything that has happened to me has lead me to this point in my life. I also know that she is proud of the person I have become. 

October 9, 1992 My friend Amy and I were paying out side of my house when she asked where my sister was, I joked, (like I had the previous night) "Killed in a car accident".  Little did I know that just after midnight she would be killed in a horrific car accident.  I went in after playing with Amy, had dinner, watch some TV.  I asked where Laura was and my mom said she was out baby sitting.  After that I went to bed, I was woke up by a knock at the front door, it was around 4am on October 10, 1992.  It was my dad, he had been drinking and like always he came by to tell my mom how sorry he was for all the things he did wrong.  Shortly after that we heard another knock at the door, I remember my mom saying to my dad, "What did you do?"  My dad said "Nothing" My mom then opened the door, and at that moment our whole world was turned up side down. I remember my mom saying NO! I was only 11 but completely understood everything that was happening.  This police officer just told me my best friends was taken from me. There was only a 9 year age gap between us and our birthdays were one day apart, mine on June 3rd hers on June 4th.  The police officer told us that my sister had been killed in a car accident just after mid night but it took them unit 4am to find were my mom lived, they found my sister Connie and told her first and she told them were to find us.  It was almost like my dad was meant to be there that night, we were all together.  They told us that it was a drunk driver that hit the car that her friends was driving, it killed them both, they said that she died instantly.  Nothing is instant, they told us she did not suffer, I find that hard to believe.  I want to believe it, but until I hear it from her I wont.

You are probably thinking, why is this senseless and tragic, lots of people die each year because of drunk drivers. And trust me all those deaths are senseless and tragic too.  The person (and that is being kind) that did this to my sister and her friends was someone that was known to police, someone they have picked up before, even suspended his license.  He took his girlfriends car and she called the police, this rookie cop decided that she was going to stop him, she was told to back off and stop because they knew he would just keep running.  She did not listen and he kept going.  Reaching as speed of 100MPH that is around 160KM.  When he it that car they had no chance, and in that instant two families lives were changed forever.  The drunk driver, he broke his leg, and was in the hospital for a while. Don't worried he lived to do it again to another family.

I blamed a lot of people that day for the loss of my sister, I blamed the drunk driver, I blamed the cop that would not stop, but most of all I blamed my self, I should not have joked about her dieing.  I blamed my self for many years and carried that pain with me.  I know it was not my fault and it wasn't until I reconnected with my sister Karen that I realized that is was most like a premonition of something that was going to happen. I predicted my sisters death. But even more so she did, years before this happened she wrote a poem about car lights and crashing cars. 

I wish that with every day that passes I could have her by my side, the most beautiful person I know.  I wish she was here to hold my son, to tell me she loves me, just to be part of my life.  I wish Alan had had the chance to meet her, I think she would have loved him.  It is not fair when someone with such greatness leaves us too soon, I feel that was the case, but because of how great she was she was needed some where else. 

I will never forget how wonderful it is to have you as my sister,  I look forward to the day we meet again, Please take care of my babies and know I will always love you Laura Jean.

-Bex